Tame your dragon

Here is first a little tour of Ljubljana from a boat, to calm you down. And then something completely different.

Ljubljana is often called the city of dragons. This boat ride we took on our first summer joint visit to my birth-town four years ago. It calms me down, those greens. Click on the first photo and have a look at the gallery, and then continue below.

Photo: © signature mmm

Now let’s have a closer look at those dragons. Below is a Slovenian comedian and his sharp tongue, first on video in Slovenian and then speedily translated by me. “Babe zoprne” I translated as “nagging broads”. What he means is roughly one half of Slovenian population, and he might sound like he is joking but he’s not.

On a side note, this man, Marjan Šarec, is also the re-elected Mayor of a small town Kamnik some 20 km north of Ljubljana. You’ve got to love a politician who calls you out by your right name. Not me though: I take it as high praise when a friend tells me – and she tells me repeatedly – how wonderful that I don’t give grief to my man.

I’d say “duh” but obviously it’s not so self-evident.

That’s why I’m often on the side of (Slovenian) men. And yet – they need to know how to tame their dragons too.

Take this with the pinch of salt, please. There are no sharp divisions. (Neither between genders nor between voters.) We need to stick together and work it out.

And yet you can tell from the giggles that the ladies are in agreement too.

What’s up, nagging broads? What’s going on with that? A broad is put in this world only so she can chew you. And then she says: “I’m a vegetarian.” How can you be a vegetarian when you’re chewing me? If one day goes by without her chewing me, I think I’m dead. On and on, “Neh-neh-neh, this is not okay, that is not okay.” I come home, tired, I lie down on the sofa… “So now you’re gonna be lying down?” What else am I supposed to be doing on the sofa then? Standing up? Thick skull. 

You must never ask a broad how she is, but rather if she’s any better. She’s nagging around the clock. Take her sense of nagging away, and she’s got nothing left to live for. She’s nagging non-stop. If it’s bad, “Oh, it’s bad”, if it’s good, “It’s too good!” This is how it is. And then, she was quiet all day once and I asked her, “What’s wrong now?” “Mmmmmm.” “Is something wrong?” “Mmmmmmm.” “Will you tell me what’s wrong?” “Mmmmmmm.” What was wrong was that her false teeth were set in badly. Her upper teeth were down, and her bottom teeth were up. So she had to eat inside out. And then I get asked: “Hey, what’s up with your broad smiling so much?” And I say, “She is not smiling, only her teeth are too big.” The doctor said, “Don’t take them out at night, the jaw must settle.” But the teeth flew out by themselves, they knew they had nothing to do in there. But then she threw them away. So now even if she chews me, I don’t understand her. 

A broad, this is one big problem. Or she needs to pee, or she’s hot, or it’s “let’s go home”, or she is pulling up your pants. Nothing but problems with a broad. If you take your broad to an event it’s like going to the seaside and then it rains for the whole week. You keep waiting for the sun and then, when you’re driving back home, the sun comes out and blinds you. Yes, my fellows, this is how it is with a broad. 

And then they were putting up a show and there were three broad roles and only two broads to play them. Nobody wanted to play the third. And so I said, “Let me be the one to put up the devil’s dress.” I dressed up as a broad and immediately I had to pee, in that same moment. That’s one hell of the devil: she is on all the time, “Neh-neh-neh-neh,” “Let’s go home” “Why were you looking at that woman like that?” “Why you never tell me you love me?” “Look, I said it to you once and as long as we’re on, we’re on, and when it changes, I’ll let you know.” You can’t make her get it. “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go, it’s urgent, it’s urgent.” And then when you sit in the car, there’s no sign of her. Isn’t that strange? Devil of a broad. If that’s not strange. Thick block of wood.  

A broad is like a car: an expense but what must be, must be. When you bring her home from church, she has lost half of the value already. That’s how it is. The worst part is that you can’t get rid of her. That’s the worst. She is like a cell phone: you put her on low volume yet she’s still vibrating. She can’t be quiet for five minutes, no way. “Neh-neh-neh-neh.” “Look at him looking so fine.” Take him home, put him in the garden instead of a gnome and put some lights around him while you’re at it!

These young broads, they are all useless. Son brought one home, a skinny one. She stepped next to the light, you could see her brains. “Come on, eat a little.” “Ohh, I’m on a food separation diet.” Do you know what a separation diet is? When a fellow gets divorced and doesn’t know how to cook. That’s the separation diet for you. Dammit. What work will she do, she’s not good for any work looking like this.

And then I said, “Old broad – long night,” and she said, “but if the fellow is old, even the day is dragging.”

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19 Comments Add yours

  1. Hi, I’ve been thinking of staying at Ljubljana for a month taking in the life of locals and traveling around. I really like that city and it’s people last time I was there. Do you think it’s doable, enough places to see and activities such performances, arts, etc? Also do you have any recommendations on day trips from the city? Sorry for all the questions. Thank you so much for your insights!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, great news! Which month will that be? I’d suggest May or June, summer months will be crowded and hot. However, I’ll arrive only in late July for a couple of weeks or so. 🙂 In a month you can see most of Slovenia, if you plan carefully and wish to be on the go all the time. There are just three hours or so driving from one end of the country to the other. If you like to hike, you can do plenty of that. You can visit the sea, the mountains, the subterranean caves, the Pannonian plain, the Tuscany-like hills, the cities (second biggest, Maribor, is lovely as well, as are old towns of Celje, Ptuj, Škofja Loka), then there are the rivers, beautiful Soča river, the lakes, Bohinj as well as Bled – just plenty of diversity and activities. I’m sure you’re going to have a grand time! As for places to eat – internet knows more than me. I only visit for a few weeks each year and don’t hop around restaurants that much. There is one major experience: Hiša Franko. Nuff said – check it out and book early.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you so much! One of the reasons I love Ljubljana is the food. A lot of great restaurants and a good market too. Transportation wise, it is easy to go to other towns if I don’t have a car? I’ve never been to Hiša Franko, the pictures are beautiful. I will for sure not to miss it. Thanks again.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. There are so many new restaurants popping up that I never know where to begin when I visit. Yes, it’s feasible without a car too, there’s a good bus network all over Slovenia, and trains for towns more apart. You’ll need a card to go around Ljubljana by bus, similar to Oyster in London, no more paying with cash. Or you can use the bike, it’s excellent, all flat. A few lovely destinations close to Ljubljana: Iški vintgar (gorge), Kamniška Bistrica (river source), Podpeč Lake (a city bus goes there), Zbilje Lake… Looking forward to your photos! Hiša Franko is the home restaurant of Ana Roš who was given the title The World’s Best Female Chef 2017 by The World’s 50 Best Restaurants.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. cwaugh212 says:

    Your dragon photos would be perfect for Cee’s Fun Foto Challenge this week: Behind, Below, or Underneath. Maybe you should tag you post and pass it on to Cee.

    Like

    1. Thanks for the idea, Charles. I don’t like to reassign posts like that once they are posted though.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Dan Antion says:

    I love the photos from the river

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Dan. It’s a lovely thing to do, take this ride.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, SMSW, but… did you read the translation as well? 😉 Nobody is commenting on it… Maybe it’s only funny to me. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes but I didn’t really get it… Photos are more my thing, especially this late at night 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh yes, it’s late, I’m off to bed right now. It’s just a Slovenian man complaining about Slovenian women and I can’t say I blame him. 😀 Good night!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, Slovenia is where they are from. 😉

      Like

  4. I was also travelling on the boat under this bridge with dragons. Very pleasant trip.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great, Awa, I’m happy you enjoyed it.

      Liked by 1 person

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