Tame your dragon

Here is first a little tour of Ljubljana from a boat, to calm you down. And then something completely different.

Ljubljana is often called the city of dragons. This boat ride we took on our first summer joint visit to my birth-town four years ago. It calms me down, those greens. Click on the first photo and have a look at the gallery, and then continue below.

The river is called Ljubljanica, “little Ljubljana”.

A finger you can trust.

There is one dragon in this photo.

Love these willows.

Conservatory of Music and Ballet Ljubljana

Franciscan Church

The Arcades by Jože Plečnik.

The Dragon Bridge

Here it is!

Will it appease the dragon?

Photo: © signature mmm

Now let’s have a closer look at those dragons. Below is a Slovenian comedian and his sharp tongue, first on video in Slovenian and then speedily translated by me. “Babe zoprne” I translated as “nagging broads”. What he means is roughly one half of Slovenian population, and he might sound like he is joking but he’s not.

On a side note, this man, Marjan Šarec, is also the re-elected Mayor of a small town Kamnik some 20 km north of Ljubljana. You’ve got to love a politician who calls you out by your right name. Not me though: I take it as high praise when a friend tells me – and she tells me repeatedly – how wonderful that I don’t give grief to my man.

I’d say “duh” but obviously it’s not so self-evident.

That’s why I’m often on the side of (Slovenian) men. And yet – they need to know how to tame their dragons too.

Take this with the pinch of salt, please. There are no sharp divisions. (Neither between genders nor between voters.) We need to stick together and work it out.

And yet you can tell from the giggles that the ladies are in agreement too.

What’s up, nagging broads? What’s going on with that? A broad is put in this world only so she can chew you. And then she says: “I’m a vegetarian.” How can you be a vegetarian when you’re chewing me? If one day goes by without her chewing me, I think I’m dead. On and on, “Neh-neh-neh, this is not okay, that is not okay.” I come home, tired, I lie down on the sofa… “So now you’re gonna be lying down?” What else am I supposed to be doing on the sofa then? Standing up? Thick skull. 

You must never ask a broad how she is, but rather if she’s any better. She’s nagging around the clock. Take her sense of nagging away, and she’s got nothing left to live for. She’s nagging non-stop. If it’s bad, “Oh, it’s bad”, if it’s good, “It’s too good!” This is how it is. And then, she was quiet all day once and I asked her, “What’s wrong now?” “Mmmmmm.” “Is something wrong?” “Mmmmmmm.” “Will you tell me what’s wrong?” “Mmmmmmm.” What was wrong was that her false teeth were set in badly. Her upper teeth were down, and her bottom teeth were up. So she had to eat inside out. And then I get asked: “Hey, what’s up with your broad smiling so much?” And I say, “She is not smiling, only her teeth are too big.” The doctor said, “Don’t take them out at night, the jaw must settle.” But the teeth flew out by themselves, they knew they had nothing to do in there. But then she threw them away. So now even if she chews me, I don’t understand her. 

A broad, this is one big problem. Or she needs to pee, or she’s hot, or it’s “let’s go home”, or she is pulling up your pants. Nothing but problems with a broad. If you take your broad to an event it’s like going to the seaside and then it rains for the whole week. You keep waiting for the sun and then, when you’re driving back home, the sun comes out and blinds you. Yes, my fellows, this is how it is with a broad. 

And then they were putting up a show and there were three broad roles and only two broads to play them. Nobody wanted to play the third. And so I said, “Let me be the one to put up the devil’s dress.” I dressed up as a broad and immediately I had to pee, in that same moment. That’s one hell of the devil: she is on all the time, “Neh-neh-neh-neh,” “Let’s go home” “Why were you looking at that woman like that?” “Why you never tell me you love me?” “Look, I said it to you once and as long as we’re on, we’re on, and when it changes, I’ll let you know.” You can’t make her get it. “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go, it’s urgent, it’s urgent.” And then when you sit in the car, there’s no sign of her. Isn’t that strange? Devil of a broad. If that’s not strange. Thick block of wood.  

A broad is like a car: an expense but what must be, must be. When you bring her home from church, she has lost half of the value already. That’s how it is. The worst part is that you can’t get rid of her. That’s the worst. She is like a cell phone: you put her on low volume yet she’s still vibrating. She can’t be quiet for five minutes, no way. “Neh-neh-neh-neh.” “Look at him looking so fine.” Take him home, put him in the garden instead of a gnome and put some lights around him while you’re at it!

These young broads, they are all useless. Son brought one home, a skinny one. She stepped next to the light, you could see her brains. “Come on, eat a little.” “Ohh, I’m on a food separation diet.” Do you know what a separation diet is? When a fellow gets divorced and doesn’t know how to cook. That’s the separation diet for you. Dammit. What work will she do, she’s not good for any work looking like this.

And then I said, “Old broad – long night,” and she said, “but if the fellow is old, even the day is dragging.”